The-dork-ness-13

I remember looking into his eyes Lying there after, with a film of him coated on my skin I couldn't help but think "I can't imagine ever, feeling this way about anybody ever again." Then the realization of this fantasy that I'm creating, we were merely just two people No more, no less I remember looking into his eyes Lying there after, with a film of him coating on my skin With the thought of disgust We aren't real

I see his fingers in the dark, nervousness rushes over me like warm flowing blood His fingers slowly dance along my sides Sending shivers down my sweat filled spine I just don't want to close my eyes In the darkness with fingers locked with mine I don't want to shut my eyes Though before long the feeling overwhelmed me And my eyes became unbearably heavy and I awoke to empty dark room

3:33 am again This time seems to haunt me her scent lingers the room, as if she never left The pounding in my head never seems ending, when will this end? Why can't the sunlight chase the night faster than the linger of her? This is sickening, the beginning of the end A big black hole of nothingness The invisible intensities, this will never shake My body is stuck, rotting This pit in my stomach twines There was another time in my life before I knew her Before the maggots and fly attached themselves and became a part of me Before the end before the beginning, Now there isn't anything left other then the figment of what's left of me Of what

Unwinding afternoons with uncooked dinners Quiet eyes and vengeful throats Flustered minds and held thoughts The unspoken words and the built up thoughts Never the thought of wrapping the afternoon up into a perfect gift Nor the second thought on how to finish the first bite of the uncooked food Just the bitterness of uncontrolled disappointments And always resorting to "it's never going to work" No It's not, never.

You are sludge that gathers dirt and other nasty particles The hunger in my stomach The spider web of thoughts That disgusting lingering scent that attaches itself to me I cant not take this ribcage crushing anymore This sick disease that you've created I am stuck No longer living in this bright world NO! I am living in the thought of what I think of you

We both seemed to run around the same things Running back to past, we couldn't help but smile each time We can no longer be in this, be in time But we always seem to be running back, always Now he's sitting around with another lovely bird, and as I I can only think that he keeps his shoe box under the bed filled with magnificent memories, the bed where we both shared each other Each others bodies, hearts and souls Time and time has passed, yet we always meet at the same old coffee shop each year Reminiscing the past, running, like we always do He always makes me feel so wonderful

I keep obsessing over the same things, over analyzing his words. Thinking of something to alter what had happened. Thinking perhaps this is a long drained out nightmare. I can't help but think of him every other second thought. Anything and everything gets me caught up in memories.  I feel insane thinking how he can sleep at night with someone else. While I'm sitting here thinking of his words he said, and what he didn't say. Even when I try to stop obsessing over this, I start to obsess over obsessing. Thinking of the same shit, I'm stuck.  I'm feeling so defeated, I'm forgetting what is here, what's happening now. &